


The Revenge of Tony Stark

by Sweet_Wing_Queen101



Series: Vindicta and Silvertongue [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers bashing, Bucky bashing, Evil Tony Stark, F/M, Frostiron (eventually), Fun Chaos, Homophobic Language, Lots of GAYYYYYYY Just A Warning, M/M, Magic Tony, Odin bashing, Overall Destruction Via Iron Man and Loki, Pepper bashing, Revenge Served Cold Loki/Tony Style, Salty Tony, Snogging, Steve Bashing, The Author Doesn't Write Smut, Thor Bashing, Very Very Very Angry Tony, killian bashing, lots of revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Wing_Queen101/pseuds/Sweet_Wing_Queen101
Summary: Tony lay on the cold floor as the sun rose, slowly dying. And yet, in the face of death, he didn't feel terror or relief or any of the usual feelings one felt while they left their life behind....All Tony felt was utter, extreme fury.In which Tony receives a gift from the universe and uses it to destroy those he betrayed him, with the help of his teacher/boyfriend/ex-enemy.
Relationships: // - Relationship, Friday & Jarvis (Iron Man movies) & Tony Stark, Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark, Past Tony Stark/Aldrich Killian, past Jane Foster/Thor - Relationship, past Tony Stark/Steve Rogers
Series: Vindicta and Silvertongue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025814
Comments: 26
Kudos: 229





	1. Chapter 1

Tony lay on the cold floor as the sun rose, slowly dying. And yet, in the face of death, he didn't feel terror or relief or any of the usual feelings one felt while they left their life behind....

All Tony felt was utter, extreme fury.

On his deathbed (death-floor?) Tony cursed Steve for defending his murderer of a boyfriend, almost killing him, then leaving him to suffer in his final moments; he cursed Bucky Barnes, for killing his parents (for killing his mother, like he cared about that pathetic excuse of a father) and defending his pathetic excuse of a boyfriend; Natasha for letting the betraying duo go; the red-headed witchling for breaking JARVIS' heart; Clint (CLINT!) for helping his STUPID EX-

On his deathbed, Tony cursed his enemies and ex-friends with death and pain.

And in that moment, the moment he thought he would die without a bit of revenge, something happened.

Blue strips of light began dancing up and down his arms, his legs, over his chest. To Tony's shock, his wounds began to close and the dizziness from the blood-loss disappeared. Soon, he was lying on the floor, completely whole, and his suit had been fixed. The light disappeared.

Slowly, Tony sat up.

_What the ever-loving s*** was that?_

His chest felt lighter, and he felt as if something was dancing in his veins, under his skin, in his head. Tony lifted a hand started as a spark of blue light flickered over his fingers.

_Well._

Tony blinked. He was a wizard now, huh? He grinned wickedly.

" _Awesome._ "

There was a familiar booming sound outside, signifying that the blond idiot had just arrived nearby. Tony got up and flew outside.

Thor, Prince of Asgard, was striding up the hill, a mixture of anger, confusion, and surprise on his face. Behind him were four unfamiliar Asgardian warriors, who looked as angry as their prince.

"What's up, Point Break?" Tony quipped.

"Stark," Thor said warily. "What have you done?"

"I actually don't know, this time," Tony said gleefully. "You know what would be great? If someone could tell me _what the ever-loving s*** is going on._ "

Blue strips of light flickered over Tony's hands, showing the anger he was attempting (and failing) to hide.

Thor studied him carefully. "You have no idea what has just happened, do you, Stark."

A statement, not a question.

"Well if I did, I wouldn't be asking you, now would I?" Tony sneered.

Thor looked taken aback. "Stark, what -- are you well?"

"Am I well?" Tony asked sarcastically. "Well, let's see -- I was just attacked and almost killed by my ex and his new boyfriend, who murdered my mother, then I find out I just got turned into a wizard-"

"-sorcerer-" Thor corrected.

"-whatever, Boromir-" Tony snarked, "-so NO THOR, I AM NOT WELL."

"How dare you address-" one of the Asgardian warriors snarled angrily.

"I am not mad, Hogun," Thor interrupted. "Stark is not Asgardian, I am not his prince. And he has suffered a shock." He turned back to Tony, who was fuming, blue magic still churning around his hands. "We cannot remove your magic-"

_Like I'd let you._

"-and it is dangerous to leave a fledgling sorcerer without tutoring..." Thor sighed.

"No!" Hogun cried angrily.

"You cannot give _Loki_ -"

"-he will turn him into a puppet!"

Tony snarled. "I don't bow to anyone, much less Reindeer Games!"

The Asgarians stared at him, and Thor closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

"What?" Tony snapped.

"You sound like my brother," Thor said tiredly. "Come, Stark."

"And what if I say no?" The magic pulsed once.

"Please?" Thor groaned.

Tony frowned. He didn't hate Thor, he just found him annoying and slightly amusing. He decided not to annoy Goldilocks and said, "Fine, but only because I want to learn more about this." He lifted a hand, and the blue magic swirled more quickly.

Thor nodded and led him back over to the other Asgardians.

"Wait, I want to warn FRI that I won't be back for a while," Tony said quickly, putting his helmet back on. "Hey, FRI."

"Boss, I just read a massive increase in-"

"Yeah, I just got turned into a wizard, apparently." He ignored Thor's correction of, "Sorcerer." "I'm gonna have to go off-world for a while, so say goodbye to DUM-E and the others. Contact Vis and tell him ciao, too?" Gosh, he missed his kids.

"Sure, boss," FRIDAY said quietly. "Do you want me to contact Mr. Rhodes or-"

"Contact Rhodey, Happy, and Peter," Tony instructed. _Like I'd talk to Potts after her homophobic slurs._ "Gotta go, FRI."

"Bye, boss."

\--------------

Loki was bored.

No, like, he was _really_ bored.

He thought he'd felt bored before, but at least then, he was "allowed" to go on murder sprees. Now all he had were his cell walls and the utter, excruciating _nothingness._

So he had to hide his excitement and glee as the guard showed up at his cell, an astonished, anxious look on his face, and said, "I am to escort you to the throne room to speak to your brother and his... guest."

Loki raised a brow, curious despite himself. "And why, pray tell, does my _brother_ want to speak to me?"

The guard, as usual, ignored him. So Loki quietly waited until he was brought into the throne room.

Where _Tony Stark_ was surrounded by guards and Thor's _friends._ Stark scowling at Thor, _Seiðr_ curling around his fingers.

Loki was both pleased and wary at the venom in Stark's gaze. What had happened to make the mortal so... vindictive?

"Hey, Reindeer Games," Tony drawled, his brown eyes icy.

Oh, the mortal had changed _so much..._ Loki was looking forward to their talks.

"Stark," Loki said lazily. "Might I ask what is going on, _brother?_ "

Thor flinched.

"I asked that too, but Goldilocks doesn't seem to want to answer," Tony sneered.

Thor gave Tony an appalled look, then said, "It seems he was gifted with Seiðr."

"I can see that," Loki said coolly. "It does not take an intelligent person to notice."

"The h*** is Say-dur?" Tony questioned, but his eyes were on Loki, ignoring Thor.

"Seiðr," Loki corrected. "It is the magic of the universe. Many people, non-mortals, can learn magic, but it is rare that a mortal -- or anyone, for that matter -- is gifted with it."

"Well, I'm calling it 'magic,' 'cause I can't pronounce your s***," Tony said flatly. Loki chuckled.

Thor had a haunted, panicky expression on his face, which just fueled Loki's amusement. His brother was clearly regretting giving Loki such a savage apprentice.

"I brought you here..." Thor sighed "...to teach Stark how to control the Seiðr."

Loki allowed a very brief, triumphant smirk pass over his face before masking it with supreme interest. "And Stark has agreed to this?"

"He has, reluctantly," Thor agreed.

"I'm right here, Goldilocks, Reindeer Games," Stark snarked.

Loki turned to the mortal irritably. "I will teach him, if he stops addressing me as 'Reindeer Games.'"

"Good luck with that," Stark said coldly. Thor winced.

Loki sighed, as if put-upon, but receiving an apprentice as powerful, intelligent, and dangerous as Stark was _more_ than enough compensation for being called... _that._ "As you wish, Stark. Where am I to teach him?"

"Where did Mother teach you?" Thor asked carefully. "You will be watched," he added.

"That will affect the Seiðr badly, Thor, and you know that." Loki's eyes glittered. He ignored the pang at the thought of his mother.

Thor scowled. "Very well."

"Will I be allowed my hands free?" Loki asked sweetly, knowing very well they _had_ to free his hands, otherwise he _literally_ couldn't teach the mortal.

Thor glared at him, and everyone else in the room except Stark gave him looks of loathing. "Yes," Thor gritted out. "But the cuffs will be replaced after each lesson."

Oh, Loki was aware of that, but the lessons would give him more than enough time to plan his escape.

"Well, Apprentice Stark," he said formally to Stark, hiding his glee, "I look forward to teaching you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's first lesson is fruitful. Too fruitful for Thor's liking.  
> Loki begins planning his escape, while becoming more interested in his new apprentice.  
> Thor realizes that allowing Loki to have an apprentice, especially one as angry as Tony Stark, was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad idea.  
> (The Author cackles.)

"The first lesson all sorcerer apprentices learn is meditation," Loki said calmly.

They were sitting cross-legged on the floor of what looked like an old classroom. There were two desks for writing; three of the walls had shelves, two of which were full of scrolls and the third of which had odd nicknacks; the third wall had something like an electronic screen, but it glimmered oddly; there were also circles and runes drawn on the floor, and Loki and Tony were seated in one of the circles.

"Meditation," Tony repeated.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, meditation. The act of calming and clearing your mind."

"I know what meditation is, Reindeer Games," Tony groused. "I'm just wondering why that helps... _sorcerers._ "

The god looked a mixture of amused and irritated. Instead of snapping at him, Loki responded in the same calm tone. "Seiðr reacts to your emotions, Apprentice Stark. Control your emotions, control your magic. The easiest way to control your emotions is through meditation."

"Riiiiiight... and how does one meditate, Teach?" Tony asked mockingly.

"The proper way to address me is 'Sorcerer Silvertongue,'" Loki corrected, sighing.

"'Silvertongue?'"

"Yes." Loki paused. "I suppose that means I should address you as 'Apprentice Iron Man,'" he said absentmindedly.

Tony shuddered. "Yeah, no. That sounds wrong."

"We will come up with a better name later, Stark," Loki reassured him, eyes glinting. "Now... close your eyes and remove all thoughts from your mind."

"Any tips on how to do that, _Sorcerer Silvertongue?_ " Tony was still thinking about slicing Steve's eyes from his head. The blue Say-dur pulsed around his fingers again.

Loki opened his eyes and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Perhaps we should create a mind scape first."

"Like a mind palace?" Tony questioned, grinning. Gosh, he _loved_ Sherlock.

Loki raised a brow. "You will explain what that means later. For now, imagine your mind is a building. Each room contains your thoughts and memories. You can imagine them however you like."

Tony, being Tony, imagined his mind scape as a palace. The rooms had electronic files of all his memories. He kept the dungeon full of all his worst memories, locking it up with a very complicated electronic lock. He kept the happy memories in the "throne room," the ones he liked to show off. He kept his project plans in the invention room (his palace had to have one of _those_ ). He kept his private memories in the bedroom, with another complicated lock. He also had a "sex room" where he kept-

**(Tony! the author snapped. There are innocent minds reading this!**

**Why are you letting innocent minds read this, Sweet_Wing?! There's angst and death and torture-**

**Just get back to the story, the author grumbled.)**

Tony blinked. The 'mind palace' seemed... physical. Not exactly _real,_ but more _there._ When he saw flickers of blue Seiðr throughout the palace, he realized that it _was_ more "there."

Loki suddenly appeared in the throne room, looking amused. "Well done, Stark."

_The f*** -- are you-_

"Yes, I _am_ actually in your mind, Stark," Loki interrupted, chuckling. "Envision yourself an avatar."

_A whaaaat?_

Loki rolled his eyes. "A manifestation of your body, Stark."

Tony paused, then smirked. A moment later, there was a golden dragon the size of a bus in front of Loki.

"Really, Stark?" Loki sighed. Tony the dragon snickered. "Very well, this will do for the moment, but you should chose something more maneuverable."

"I like this form," Tony snorted. He blinked when he realized he'd spoken "aloud." "Whoa."

Loki chuckled again. "Imagine a silver mist covering your palace."

Soon Loki vanished in a cloud of silver fog. Tony's body and mind completely relaxed, and thoughts of revenge disappeared.

"Very good, Apprentice Stark." Loki sounded gleeful. "We will see how long you can keep your mind clear of thoughts. Tomorrow we'll get into controlling Seiðr during your meditation."

"There a reason we can't get into it today?" Tony asked blankly.

"You are mortal, Apprentice Stark." It was a statement, not an insult. "You do not have the patience, ability or strength that a god does. I am not sure you will be able to take on more than you already have."

Well, that was probably true. Except with the patience part; gods and mortals had the same emotions, the gods just had magic ways to control their emotion.

"I see your point, Apprentice Stark," Loki chuckled dangerously. "Shall we see if you can control your Seiðr?"

Tony the dragon nodded his head.

"Well. Open your eyes, but keep imagining the palace filled with mist."

Tony blinked, and he was back in the classroom.

Loki was sitting in front of him, a serene smile on his face, but Tony could tell he was hiding a smirk. Tony realized distantly that the Seiðr was no longer visible.

"Imagine the Seiðr curling around your fingers, but do not forget to continue your meditation," Loki said lazily.

The blue light swirled around his hands slowly.

"Imagine it flowing through the air," Loki continued.

The Seiðr filled the room. Tony was reminded of the Northern Lights. He supposed that this was more deadly.

Loki's smile was now a mixture of surprise and savage glee.

"Well _done,_ Apprentice Stark."

\----------

"The first lesson all sorcerers learn is meditation."

The mortal gave him a puzzled look. "Meditation?"

Was Stark really this unintelligent? Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, meditation. The act of calming and clearing your mind."

"I know what meditation is, Reindeer Games," Stark growled. "I'm just wondering why that helps... _sorcerers._ "

Loki pushed back the anger and irritation at that _infuriating_ nickname and said, "Seiðr reacts to your emotions, Apprentice Stark. Control your emotions, control your magic. The easiest way to control your emotions is through meditation."

"Riiiiiight... and how does one meditate, Teach?" Stark mocked.

"The proper way to address me is 'Sorcerer Silvertongue,'" Loki sighed.

"'Silvertongue?'" Stark questioned.

"Yes." Loki paused. "I suppose that means I should address you as 'Apprentice Iron Man.'" There was no way he was going to address him like that, it did not suit the man's Seiðr.

Stark shuddered. "Yeah, no. That sounds wrong."

Ah, good, so Stark recognized that his Seiðr did not like that title.

"We will come up with a better name later, Stark," Loki reassured him, hiding a smirk. "Now... close your eyes and remove all thoughts from your mind."

"Any tips on how to do that, _Sorcerer Silvertongue?_ " Stark sounded irritated.

Loki opened his eyes and gazed thoughtfully at the Seiðr pulsing around Stark's hands. "Perhaps we should create a mind scape first." That might help the mortal.

"Like a mind palace?" Stark asked, his face lighting up with a grin.

What on _Jotun_ was a 'mind palace?' "You will explain what that means later. For now, imagine your mind is a building. Each room contains your thoughts and memories. You can imagine them however you like."

Stark closed his eyes, and Loki turned his mind to the matter of his escape.

_Hmm... runes? No, those will take too long, and I will not be able to take my apprentice with me. Perhaps a long-term spell? That might work... I will have to look through my mind scape for the best one...._

Loki blinked. Had he sounded so possessive over _Stark?_

While it would be an _excellent_ idea to have a sorcerer alongside him, he doubted Stark would ever bow to Loki, especially since the mortal hated him. That, and Loki worked better alone.

Making a mental note to come back to the subject, Loki entered his apprentice's mind scape, completely unsurprised to find himself in a palace....

\----------

"What!" Thor exclaimed.

Loki hid a smirk. "Yes, brother dear. Stark is progressing faster than I anticipated." Grinning slightly, he added, "He may be able to shape-shift in two months."

Thor's look of horror and shock was incredibly pleasing. He'd apparently realized that giving Loki an apprentice -- even worse, giving _Stark_ to Loki -- was going to cause some massive (in Stark's word) s***.

It took all of Loki's willpower not to cackle.

**The author did not have such willpower, and her family is now wondering what is making her laugh so hard.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony learns that Loki has layers.  
> Loki learns that Tony has layers.  
> Tony learns that Loki likes to make bargains and his pranks are not always deadly.  
> Loki learns that Tony is great at making bargains and pranks.  
> Thor learns that having Tony and Loki in the same room alone is a very, very, very bad idea.  
> (The author has already learned that writing evil!Characters is totally awesome, but, well, there's a theme going on in this summary, so why break from that?)

Tony stretched. "So we're done for the day, Reindeer Games?"

Loki scowled. "I really do not like that name."

"Really?" Tony asked sarcastically. His tone became calmer. "Well, maybe if I told you the song."

"The _what?_ "

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Tony explained, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Loki settled on the bigger desk, looking annoyed but curious.

"And who," Loki asked icily, "is 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'?"

 _Who knew Loki could make a children's song title sound so dangerous?_ Tony thought sarcastically.

"I'd sing it, but I sound like a dying cow," Tony shrugged. He spoke the song instead.

_Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose._

_If you ever saw him, you would even say it glows._

_All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names._

_They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games._

"The real ending has a super, disgustingly happy ending," Tony grinned, "so I changed it up a bit."

_One day poor old Rudolph decided he'd had the last straw!_

_He went around and made all the reindeer scream their throats raw!_

_Then all the reindeer died very very bloody deaths._

_And no one ever bullied Rudolph ever ever ever again._

Loki raised a brow, sneering. "Sounds familiar."

Tony snorted. Yeah, no s*** Sherlock. "And your helmet-"

"For the last _time,_ Stark," Loki snapped, "they are not horns!"

"Never said they were," Tony sniggered.

Loki sighed. "If I teach you an entertaining trick with your Seiðr every day, will you refrain from calling me annoying nicknames?"

"Are cool nicknames are off limits?" Tony asked innocently.

" _All_ nicknames," Loki amended through gritted teeth. "You will either call me 'Loki' or 'Sorcerer Silvertongue.'"

Tony bit his lip, eyeing the god shrewdly. "What, exactly, would you be teaching me?"

Loki looked startled briefly before his voice became calm -- his "teaching voice." "There are many interesting tricks I can teach you; for example, shapeshifting, illusions, pranks-"

"Did you say pranks?!" Tony interrupted with a wicked grin.

Loki's eyes glittered. "What did I say about interrupting, Apprentice Stark?"

"Sorry," Tony said unapologetically, still grinning. "Pranks?"

\----------

"Has Thor told you the snake story?" Loki asked, mirroring Tony's savage grin.

Stark scoffed irritably. "Only a million times." He cleared his throat and deepened his voice. "'This one time, my brother turned into a snake, he knows I love snakes-'"

"Yes, yes, we don't need to hear it again," Loki snorted, waving a hand. Stark silenced, snickering quietly. "That is nothing compared to what your Seiðr can do." He snapped his fingers, and the entire room was suddenly covered in flowers.

Stark cackled, poking at one of them. He looked surprised and pleased when it wasn't an illusion.

Loki snapped his fingers again and the flowers were replaced with several house cats of all color. Most of them surrounded Stark and Loki, pawing at the Seiðr curling around Loki's and Stark's fingers. (He loved cats; they were attracted by the Seiðr, and they were so like him.) One began knocking the scrolls of the shelves, only to yowl angrily when they instantly returned to their places. Another began playing with a rune-slate. The rest caused more chaos.

Another snap of the fingers, and they were gone, the learning room whole.

Stark leaned forward. "I thought Say-dur-"

"Seiðr," Loki corrected exasperatedly.

"-couldn't make physical things."

Loki raised a brow. "You did notice that I can change my clothes with Seiðr-" he replaced his Asgardian tunic with Midgardian leather trousers and long-sleeved black shirt "-yet they are not illusions."

Stark didn't answer; he was drooling, eyes wide. What _was_ he staring at?

"Stark."

Stark jumped and swallowed. "Y-yeah, I can see that."

"Seiðr can make _physical things,_ " Loki explained, "but some are temporary -- the ones that are not connected to Seiðr -- while some are permanent." He gestured to his clothes, and Stark swallowed again.

"So... the flowers and cats won't last long... because they're not touching you," Stark said.

Loki rolled his eyes. "To put it _simply,_ yes."

Stark grinned. "Does my mortal idiocy make you annoyed, Lokes?"

Loki blinked. That nickname was... less annoying. "Frequently," he said dryly. "I will teach you to create pranks using Seiðr if you refrain from calling me anything other than 'Loki,' 'Sorcerer Silvertongue,' or 'Lokes.'" Stark looked startled and pleased. Before the mortal could say anything, Loki spoke again. "Is this bargain acceptable?"

"Definitely," Stark smirked.

A strand of Seiðr flashed briefly between them, sealing the bond, and Stark jumped. "The h*** was that?!"

"A magical bond," Loki chuckled, feeling a flash of affection at Stark's surprise.

_Affection? What was wrong with him?_

**(You're feeling the gay, that's what's happening, the author grinned.**

**Feeling the 'happiness?'**

**The author laughed. No, but you'll get it soon, Reindeer Games~)**

"So... what happens if I break it?" Stark asked. Loki shook himself. "Is it like an Unbreakable Vow from Harry Potter?"

"Who, pray tell, is Harry Potter?" Loki demanded. When Stark lit up, Loki said quickly, "Do not answer that.

"If you attempt to break the magical bond, your Seiðr will stop you, either with a sharp, slight shock or a flash of pain."

"I won't die?" Stark asked with relief.

"What? Of course not," Loki said incredulously.

Stark laughed. "Harry Potter is a fictional series about a boy who finds out he's a wizard."

Loki frowned.

"You know what, when we get back to Earth, I'll show you all my favorites, Lokes," Stark grinned. "For now... does Thor like cats?"

"No, he hates them with a pas..." Loki saw Stark's eyes lit up with glee, and he smirked. "Oh, I'm beginning to like you, Stark."

Stark grinned wider.

\--------

"CATS! STUPID! CATS! DO NOT TOUCH MY HAMMER! _OUCH!_ "


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wonders why he thinks Loki's butt looks great in tight black jeans.  
> Loki is confused at why Tony drools whenever he wears Midgardian trousers.  
> Thor... is still terrified at the chaos these two are goings to cause.  
> (The author regrets nothing.)

"Man of Iron-" Thor began carefully.

"For the last time, it's 'Iron Man,'" Tony said irritably.

"That is what I said," Thor said in a puzzled tone.

"No, you said -- oh, never mind," Tony grumbled. "What's up, Point Break?"

Thor scowled briefly, and Tony inwardly snickered at the two brothers' hatred of his nicknames. "How is your training going?"

"Egg-sellent," Tony grinned. "I hope it doesn't worry you that Loki looks delighted every time I finish a lesson."

Thor blanched, and a chuckle sounded down the hall.

"You enjoy terrifying my _brother,_ don't you, my apprentice."

Loki strolled into view, hands free, with a guard standing by with an annoyed look. Tony sniggered in response, and Loki chuckled again.

"Why is my brother not in his shackles?" Thor demanded.

"They broke, your highness," the guard said flatly. Tony glanced at Loki, and a flicker of a smirk appeared on the god's face.

"They _broke?_ " Thor sputtered. "They were created by the dwarves! How...!"

Tony bit back a snicker. Loki wore a mask of boredom, but his eyes glittered.

Thor rubbed his head. "Can they be fixed?" he sighed.

"No, your highness."

Thor grumbled wordlessly. "We will either have to ask the dwarves for another pair of cuffs or request that they fix these."

"Or I could forego them," Loki said innocently.

 _Ah,_ Tony thought. _Lokes has been planning this for a while, hasn't he?_

"That is not an option," Thor snapped. "You cannot be trusted, Loki."

"It will take time for the options you suggested," Loki said lazily. "Until then, I cannot cease Apprentice Stark's training. So..."

Thor groaned. "Very well!" Then, under the god's breath: "I do _not_ like this."

"Hey, Sorcerer Silvertongue, I have a list of suggestions for my apprentice name," Tony told Loki, who looked vaguely interested.

"And how many of these names are after well-known Midgardians?" Loki asked dryly.

"Actually, most of them are Latin," Tony admitted, as the two of them entered the classroom.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Start with the Midgardian names," he said.

Tony was about to begin when Loki waved a hand and was suddenly wearing tight black jeans and a long-sleeved, tight black shirt. Tony was instantly distracted.

Loki looked faintly puzzled. "Antony, pay attention."

Tony blinked and stifled a moan. The way Loki said his name-

 _Stop,_ he thought quickly. _This is Loki, the god of lies! Not! An! Option!_

Coughing, Tony said, "Well, the first name is Flash." Even as he said it, his magic -- Say-dur -- rejected the name.

"No," Loki agreed. "Next."

"Vader." Again, the Seiðr rejected the name.

Loki shook his head.

Tony went through a few more names, and each one, his Seiðr rejected instantly.

"That's it for the Midgardian names," Tony shrugged. "Ready for the Latin?"

"You do not need to translate," Loki told him.

"Right, 'cause you speak every language in existence," Tony grumbled. "The first one is one of my old nicknames, 'Ignus Spiritus Morte.'"

To his surprise, his Seiðr didn't immediately reject the name, but it still didn't like it.

Loki smiled. "Latin is a good path, then, Stark." Darn, he was back to calling him 'Stark' instead of 'Antony.' "And you will have to tell me the story behind 'Bringer of Death' later."

Tony snorted. "It's not a pleasant story."

"Neither is mine," Loki pointed out.

"Right," Tony snorted in agreement. "The next name is 'Mortem.'" (Death)

No.

"'Ferrum.'" (Iron)

No.

"Mutatio.'" (Change)

Nope.

"'Odium.'" (Hatred)

Nopitty-nope.

Loki sighed. "We may have to come back to this, Stark."

"I only have one name left," Tony insisted. "'Vindicta.'" (Revenge)

Instantly, his Seiðr glowed over his hands. Tony felt it burst happily in his chest.

"Guess I'm Apprentice Vindicta now," he grinned. Loki returned the smile, but it was a deadly one.

"Now, let's begin our next lesson... Apprentice Vindicta."

_Ohhhh... that was almost more hot than 'Antony....'_

\----------

Loki's feelings regarding Antony Stark were... confusing.

Stark was a mortal. Mortals were flies -- annoying, and didn't live very long. Yet Loki didn't think of Stark as a fly.

Stark was vastly intelligent -- when it came to science. Otherwise, he was an idiot. So Loki was both impressed and exasperated.

Stark was also snarky, vindictive, and mischievous, in a deadly kind of way, which made Loki interested, amused, and, well, exasperated.

And finally, Stark's looks of hunger(?) whenever Loki chose to wear Midgardian trousers was... confusing. They were just pants!

(Loki admitted that Stark's reaction to being called 'Antony' and 'Apprentice Vindicta' was pleasing, but he was never going to say that aloud.)

He was interested in the annoying, amusing, interesting, handsome mortal.

Wait... handsome?!

Loki must have hit his head.

\----------

Thor was panicking.

Stark had chosen the name _Vindicta_ as his apprentice name -- _Vindicta!_ Which meant his Seiðr had practically accepted 'Revenge' as his apprentice name!

Giving Stark to Loki had been a very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad idea.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki talk about their "beautiful" past.

"I never asked," Tony mused. Loki raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Why do you hate Point Break so much?"

Loki sighed. "One day I will ask who 'Point Break' is.

"The answer to your question is a long tale, Apprentice Vindicta."

Tony used his Seiðr to make an office chair, turning it from side to side. Loki snorted.

"You are very childish at times, Stark."

Tony grinned innocently. "What's childish?"

Loki shook his head amusedly, then sighed again. "For many years, Odin-" he sneered the name "-told Thor and I that we could get the throne, yet only trained Thor in the ways of a _king._ After a few years, I was shunned aside. Odin was never impressed or interested in what _I_ accomplished or learned, while showering _Thor_ with affection and praise. For a long time, I attempted to earn Odin's pride, but..." he trailed off, his expression carefully blank, but Tony could see pain and anger in his eyes. He said nothing, just nodded gently.

Clearing his throat, Loki continued. "Thor became a spoilt brat who preferred fighting to politics, and _Odin_ said he was ready to be king."

"That sounds disastrous," Tony snorted. "Let me guess: you planned to stop him."

Loki smirked. "Of course I did. Thor was not ready for the throne, and anyone with half the intelligence of a dog would see that. Unfortunately, no one would listen to the _god of lies._ " Loki scowled.

Tony cringed in sympathy. "That makes no sense. The goddess of dancing isn't always dancing, and the god of war isn't always fighting, right?"

Loki stared at him incredulously. "You are the _only_ person who has seen that."

"People are idiots," Tony agreed. "Sorry, I interrupted."

The god smiled briefly and continued.

"Before I explain how I stopped Thor's coronation, there is another story I must tell.

"Deep in our Weapons Vault lies the Casket of Ancient Winters. Long ago, the Casket was owned by the Frost Giants. It is a powerful artifact, and I will tell you what powers it possesses at a later date. The Frost Giants have long attempted to bargain for it or steal it back, but it is nearly impossible to break into the Vault.

"However, unbeknownst to anyone but a few sorcerers, there is a magic path from Jotunheim -- the planet of the Frost Giants -- directly into the Vault."

"What! Coincidence," Tony said with a mock gasp. Loki laughed, then continued.

"This was how I decided to stop Thor's coronation. I told the king of the Frost Giants, _Laufey-_ " this was said with as much hate as 'Odin' "-where the passage was, while hiding our conversation from Heimdall's gaze. I also told him that the best time to steal the Casket was during Thor's coronation, because nearly everyone would be in the throne room awaiting the _most precious day._ " Loki scowled again.

"However, I failed to mention the guardian of the Vault -- the Destroyer, an iron robot that is nearly indestructible."

Tony snorted at Loki's innocent expression.

"I of course didn't want the Frost Giants to steal the Casket," Loki said pointedly, "because since a child, I had been told that all Frost Giants are monsters."

"What kind of monster?" Tony asked.

Loki frowned. "I... am not sure what you mean by that question. Is there not only one type of monster?"

"Well, it's probably different on Midgard," Tony mused, "but there are two kinds where I come from. There's what I call a _literal_ monster, like a werewolf or a vampire, meaning they're part or non-human. Then there's what I call an _emotional_ monster, meaning they are horrible people. So a _literal_ monster can be incredibly kind and forgiving, while an _emotional_ monster can be human, just not _humane._ So what kind of monsters are Frost Giants?"

For a moment, Loki looked thoughtful and shocked. Finally he said, "Both, I suppose. We were told they would 'eat us' if we did not eat our vegetables-" Tony snorted. "They are giants with blue skin, Stark, and have the ability to control ice."

"Cool," Tony said with interest, and Loki looked startled again. "Right, sorry, go on," he said quickly.

The god of lies shook his head again, but he looked dazed instead of amused.

"My plan worked. The coronation was halted because Odin was alerted to the attempted theft, and the Destroyer had killed the three intruders. He was clued into Thor's desire to fight rather than talk when Thor demanded we take revenge for their 'attack.' He claimed that he was now king, though Odin had not finished crowning him, and Odin became angry. He told Thor that his coronation would be postponed.

"I was annoyed that Odin did not recognize that Thor was not ready to lead," Loki continued, looking colossally frustrated. "So I came up with another plan to show Odin just how spoilt, stupid, and angry his son really was.

"I found Thor pouting like a child in the dining hall, having pushed over the table full of food." Tony snickered, and Loki smirked. "I pretended to commiserate with him, that I agreed that we should attack the Frost Giants for their 'betrayal' -- Odin had a truce with Laufey -- but then 'reminded' Thor that he could do nothing about it, as Odin had decided we were not attacking the Giants. Thor then insisted that I and his _friends,_ the Warriors Three and Lady Sif, would go to Jotunheim and make the Frost Giants pay."

"Nice manipulation," Tony grinned wickedly. Loki smirked and nodded.

"So, we went to Jotunheim. Thor was a petty brat and almost got himself killed insulting King Laufey, and I had to attempt to persuade him to leave. Of course, Laufey just _had_ to call Thor a princess."

Tony cackled, almost falling out of his chair, and Loki chuckled in amusement.

"Well, suffice to say, we barely escaped with our lives. The Frost Giants not only outnumbered us, but if they touched a non-Giant, their skin would freeze." Loki's eyes grew clouded. "However, when they touched me..." He lifted a hand, and it turned a shade of deep blue.

"Cool," Tony said with interest. Loki stared at him as his hand returned to skin color. "What? Earth has a bunch of people with blue skin, except they did it on purpose, and they have nose and lip piercings. I always thought it was cool."

Loki continued to stare at him with wonder. Then he cleared his throat again and returned to the story.

"My plan to keep Thor off the throne worked, just not in the way I had thought. Odin and Thor had an argument, and Odin banished Thor to Midgard without his powers and his hammer. He would be able to return once he became worthy of Mjolnir."

"So you hate Thor because he's a spoiled brat and was Daddy's favorite?" Tony questioned.

Loki wrinkled his nose. "And because he is _normal_." _And I am not_ was unsaid.

"Who wants to be normal?" Tony demanded. "Normal's boring. Let's be weird."

"You are an unusual mortal, Antony Stark," Loki said with amusement. "It's... refreshing."

Tony grinned. "You're welcome." He cocked his head. "So you're a Frost Giant?"

Loki blinked.

"You turned blue."

"Ah," Loki sighed. "Yes, I am a Frost Giant. I was abandoned by Laufey because I was born a runt."

"I prefer 'pick of the litter,'" Tony shrugged, "makes you sound special." _He's really special._ "Can I..." he paused.

"You want to see my Frost Giant form?" Loki queried. When Tony nodded eagerly, he warned, "Do not touch, I wish not to have the need to heal you."

Slowly, Loki's skin turned blue, and his eyes turned amber. A peculiar rune appeared on his forehead. He rolled up his sleeves, showing more runes down his arms.

Tony swallowed and quickly turned a pencil into a pillow to hide his problem, and Loki raised a brow.

"Just... you... hot," Tony managed.

Loki frowned. "I am _very cold,_ Antony."

Tony choked off a laugh. "It's a Midgardian way to say _sexy._ "

Loki smirked darkly. "Is that so?"

Tony was definitely not blushing, no, he was calm and collected-

(Stupid erection!)

**(Tony! Innocent minds! the author exclaims.**

**Is Loki's tongue blue, too? Ohhhhh-**

**TONY!)**

\------------

Loki realized Antony was uncomfortable -- if the pillow hiding his little _problem_ wasn't enough to clue him in, the flush on the mortal's cheeks was -- and changed the subject, returning to his mortal form. "I have told you my past. It is only fair you tell me yours."

Antony swallowed and relaxed. "Well, it's basically the same as yours, just the mortal version. Except I wasn't adopted.

"My dad, Howard Stark, was known as the most advanced scientist and inventor in the world. He'd basically created Captain America," Antony sneered. "He was respected, loved, _adored,_ and he obsessed over his inventions, including stupid Capsicle, while his little five-year-old child was ignored. Like Odin, he was never impressed or interested.

"My mother was the only reason I didn't run away," Antony continued, his expression softening. "She was really kind, supportive, sweet..."

"As was my mother," Loki said quietly. Antony smiled weakly.

"I really, really hated dearest daddy. Everywhere I went, all I heard was: 'Look, it's Howard Stark's son!' 'It's Stark's kid!' I didn't hear 'It's Tony Stark!' until after I'd invented a bunch of weapons for the government," Antony scowled. "My parents were killed when I was seventeen by Capsicle's boyfriend the Winter Soldier, and I was sent to live with _Obadiah Stane._ " This was said with utter hatred and disgust.

Loki raised an eyebrow.

"I had always thought of _Obie,_ " Antony sneered, "as a second father, or, really, my _only_ father, given Howard's _perfectness._ " Antony scowled hugged the pillow to his chest. His problem was gone, Loki noted with faint disappointment. "He raised me for another fifteen years. Then I got kidnapped by terrorists."

"Terrorists?" Loki asked.

Antony waved his hand dismissively. "Groups of mortals who want World War III. This one, the Ten Rings, wanted me to create the Jericho Missile, a bomb that can destroy several entire government buildings in one go. Of course _I_ had originally created it to keep the 'peace' by attacking groups like the Ten Rings, except it wasn't really 'peace,' slaughtering a bunch of people for their beliefs.

"Instead of building them a missile, I stalled, and built my first Iron Man suit out of the scraps they brought me. I escaped, destroying all of my weapons that they already had, killed all the idiots, and left.

"Flash-forward to two weeks later," Antony scowled. "My homophobic ex-girlfriend-"

"Homophobic?" Loki questioned.

"It means they hate guys who fall in love with guys and girls who fall in love with girls," Antony explained. "Sometimes they ignore you, sometimes they insult you, sometimes they kill you, or try to. Anyway, Pepper Potts didn't know I was bisexual then, so she was _oh-so-loyal_ to me -- cheating b****," Antony hissed.

Loki felt a flash of protective anger and was shocked; why did he feel this way towards a mortal?

"Well, Potts and I were trying to find out how the Ten Rings knew where I'd be, and who'd been selling my weapons to them, and she discovered a video on _Obie's_ laptop sent by the Ten Rings, tell him the price to kill me had just gone up."

More anger. Loki was incredibly confused now.

Antony rubbed his face. "Obadiah discovered Potts' snooping, then came and yanked the only thing keeping me alive out of my chest. An arc reactor," he explained at Loki's alarmed, confused look. "When the Ten Rings kidnapped me, they attacked the convoy of army cars protecting me with my own weapons, and there was a lot of metal shrapnel in my chest. I invented the arc reactor to keep the shrapnel out of my heart with the scraps Ten Rings gave me. I had to make a better one after I got back because it was almost out of power, and I didn't want to die."

"Dearest _Obie_ had been trying to make an Iron Man suit, but he couldn't power it without my arc reactor. So he stole it and left me to die.

"Fortunately I still had the first arc reactor, so I put that one back in. Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of fighting and almost dying later, I threw Obadiah into the little homemade bomb he made, and he exploded. It was glorious," Antony said dreamily.

Loki stifled a chuckle. This mortal was very much like him.

"I was hoping to get some rest and relief, but I found out that Potts had been cheating on me with my stupid ex-boyfriend," Antony snarked. "Aldrich Killian is dead -- I killed him, too -- but Potts is annoyingly alive."

"I killed Laufey," Loki said after a long pause. "I lured him to Odin's bedroom, then killed him before he could slay the king."

Antony's eyes widened with understanding. Then he slowly grinned. "If I help you get the throne of Asgard, will you help me get revenge on all the people who ruined my life?"

Loki smiled darkly in response. "It would be my _pleasure,_ Apprentice Vindicta."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony learns how to shape-shift.  
> Loki gets help from his favorite mortal.  
> Thor panics (again).

"Today, my apprentice, you will learn to shape-shift," Loki announced.

" _Yes!_ " Antony crowed, pumping a fist in the air. Loki chuckled.

"We will start with forms that have the same body mass," Loki instructed. "For example?"

Antony cocked his head. "A mastiff?"

"What is a mastiff?" Loki frowned.

Antony waved a hand, and a very large, black dog appeared briefly before disappearing.

"Yes, that will do for now," Loki agreed. "Then we will attempt a small horse." He stood up and gestured for Antony to do the same. "This is slightly more difficult."

Antony jumped to his feet, eyes shining. Loki felt another flash of affection, but shook it away. "Close your eyes and imagine your body changing into a mastiff. If you do not concentrate completely, the transformation will-"

His mortal suddenly had dog feet and hands, a black tail, and a dog face. Antony yelped in alarm.

Wait... _his_ mortal? Had he really just said that?

Loki shook himself and said dryly, "-the transformation will be incomplete."

Antony glared at him as if saying, _No, s***!_

"Concentrate on becoming fully human again," Loki said amusedly.

The mortal grumbled and soon was back to normal. "I hate you," Antony scowled good-naturedly.

Loki chuckled. "You are not the first to say that." _But y_ _ou are the first to be untruthful about the statement._ "Very few sorcerers successfully transform on their first attempt, Antony," he reassured him. "Try again -- and this time concentrate harder."

"Let me guess, you were one of the apprentices to get it right on the first try," Antony snarked, but his eyes showed he was teasing.

Loki ignored him, trying very hard to hide his blush. As a matter of fact, he hadn't, and it was a source of embarrassment.

Antony gasped, but said nothing when Loki glared at him. Sighing, his mortal closed his eyes, and soon their was a full black mastiff in front of him.

Loki blinked. Most apprentices took several more attempts. He grinned. "Well _done,_ my apprentice."

The dog barked and licked Loki's hand. "Bad dog," Loki scolded, smirking. Antony choked and shivered, and Loki hid a chuckle. Had he really turned on his mortal by calling him a bad dog? He would have to do that more often....

 _Concentrate,_ Loki told himself. "Now reverse the transformation."

There was a pause, and Antony was standing in front of him, a light blush on his cheeks. Antony said quickly, "A horse now, right?"

Loki decided not to tease his mortal and said, "Yes. Then we will try a jaguar."

"Ooh, I love jaguars!" Antony said with a grin.

\-----------

"What's the first step of the plan?" Tony whispered dramatically.

Loki shook his head. "First I have to complete the spell that will allow me to escape my cell."

"Why didn't you just disappear after one of our lessons?" Tony questioned.

"You would be arrested for aiding my escape," Loki drawled. "I needed you free of suspicion."

 _Aw, that's sweet!_ Tony thought. Then he realized it wasn't because Loki cared about him, but because he was important in his plans. That dampened his spirits slightly, but he shook himself and asked, "What's the spell, then?"

"It's written in Ancient Greek," Loki pointed out.

"Suddenly I'm less interested, huh, how weird," Tony joked, making Loki chuckle. "How long 'till..."

Loki closed his eyes briefly. "When the sun sets."

"What do you need me to do?" Tony bit his lip, hoping it wasn't going to be too difficult.

Loki's eyes dilated slightly, and then the god blinked a few times, shaking his heads. "Find Thor's friends and keep them occupied. They will most likely be in the jousting arena."

"I've always wanted to learn how to use a sword," Tony grinned innocently, and Loki chuckled again. "What are you gonna do?"

\-----------

When his "lesson" was over, Tony bounded up to a guard. "Hey, do you know where the jousting area is?"

The guard frowned slightly. "May I ask why, Apprentice Vindicta?"

"Wow, you guys are polite!" Tony grinned. "I'm always bored after lessons, and I decided I want to learn how to fight with a sword."

The guard sighed. "I will show you the way, Apprentice Vindicta." He strolled away from Tony, who raced after him. Darn, Asgardians were quick!

"So... what's your name?" Tony asked. The guard stared at him, and Tony said, "What, I only know Thor and Sorcerer Silvertongue."

"It is... not proper... for me to introduce myself to you, Apprentice Vindicta," the guard said carefully.

"What, why?" Tony frowned.

"You are the prince's apprentice," the guard explained, "and I am but a guard."

"Ah," Tony mused. "Well, in Midgard, our king can make friends with whoever he wants."

"You do not have peasants?" The guard looked startled.

"Technically," Tony agreed. "They're called 'lower-class,' but it's not against the law to make friends with the upper-class."

The guard's expression became intrigued. Tony grinned.

By the time they reached the jousting arena -- which was a red circus tent -- the guard (whose name was Alec Calenson) was hanging on Tony's every word about American society. As they approached, he heard shouts and clanging.

"It seems the Warrior Three and Lady Sif are sparring," Alec mused. "They will help you learn to fight with a sword if you ask nicely." His expression became worried.

"Don't worry," Tony stage-whispered, "I won't tell them you told me your name."

Alec relaxed. "Farewell, Apprentice Vindicta."

Tony waved dramatically, startling a laugh out of the guard. "See you later!" He entered the jousting arena as the guard ran back to the castle.

The four Asgardian warriors who had come with Thor to Midgard were the only ones there. The woman -- Lady Sif, he thought -- was attacking an attractive blond, while the fat red-head cheered them on and the raven-haired man, Hogun, watched carefully.

The blond saw Tony and started with surprise, allowing Sif to knock his sword out of his hand.

"Sif!" the blond sputtered. "I was distracted!"

"Never be distracted in battle, Fandral," Hogun drawled.

"What brings you here, mortal?" Lady Sif barked.

"Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to learn how to fight with a sword," Tony shrugged. "Thor's probably really busy, and Sorcerer Silvertongue's not allowed to teach me to sword-fight, probably. You're the only warriors I know, so..." He gave the sword in Sif's hand a longing look.

The red-head lit up. "Oh, yes! Let us teach the mortal to fight with a sword!"

"I do not think this is a good idea," Hogun warned.

"Oh, come, Hogun," Fandral grinned, his eyes glittering with malice. "He has never even _held_ a sword, the poor man! Let us teach him."

Sif saw Fandral's expression and rolled her eyes. "I will teach him, you are all barbarians."

"We are not!" the red-head sputtered.

"She is correct, Volstagg," Hogun snorted. "Prince Thor will be less angry with Lady Sif if she trains the mortal."

Volstagg pouted.

"Great! What do I do first?" Tony asked eagerly. Fandral's expression grew wicked, but Tony didn't notice.

\-----------

Loki was currently invisible, watching Heimdall. The Gatekeeper was frowning.

His mind was not completely on his task, however. Loki was currently musing over his feelings for his mortal... again.

Because they _had_ changed. He was much less annoyed with Antony, now that he knew the man better. He was also much more... affectionate(?) of his apprentice.

He was still confused, however; mostly at the unfamiliar _hunger_ he'd felt when Antony had bit his lip earlier.

Loki shook himself. This was not the time to think about his mortal. It was time for action. He pulled out a dagger and threw it with precision.

Heimdall let out a choked gasp, staring down at the dagger that protruded from his stomach. He collapsed, struggling for breath.

Loki strode forward, still invisible, and placed his hand on Heimdall's head. A few whispered words in Latin and Heimdall's gift of sight was removed. Heimdall collapsed, unconscious.

After a pause, Loki removed the dagger and made it disappear. His mortal was annoyingly awed by the Gatekeeper, and he did not want Antony to be angry at him for killing Heimdall. He transformed into a guard and picked up the dying man.

\-----------

"Your highness!"

Thor looked up as a guard ran in, panicking. "What is it?" he demanded.

"Prince Loki has escaped!"

"WHAT?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony escape to Earth.  
> Thor is furious, overwhelmed, and panicking.

Tony groaned and squinted. It was too bright. He closed his eyes again.

"How do you feel, Apprentice Vindicta?" asked a calm, gentle voice.

"Like I got run over by an elephant and then stabbed repeatedly," Tony rasped. And he had a headache, too. Lovely. "What... what happened?"

"We are not sure," the voice responded. "The Warriors Three brought you in. I'm afraid you were nearly dead."

_Loki's gonna kill me._

"Why am I not dead, then?" Tony grumbled.

"Your Seiðr healed you," she replied. "With help from our Seiðr."

Tony tried to open his eyes again. Nope, still too bright.

A door burst open, and an unfamiliar voice exclaimed, "The Gatekeeper is dying!"

_What!_

There were several gasps, and Tony sensed the woman beside him rushing over to the door. He wished he could see what was going on.

"Antony," a familiar voice hissed by his ear. Tony froze. Loki sounded _furious._ "Can you hear me?"

Tony hummed a quiet "yes."

"Who did this to you?" Oh, thank the gods, Loki wasn't mad at _Tony._

"Three Stooges and Thor's girlfriend," Tony said in an irritated whisper.

"...I am assuming you mean the Warriors' Three and Sif," Loki said after a pause. Tony shivered; this was spoken directly in his ear.

"Y-yeah," Tony stammered.

"Why have you not opened your eyes?" Loki asked.

"It's too darn bright."

Loki chuckled. "From your snark, you are healing well."

"Still feel like I got run over by an elephant," Tony ground out. "You didn't kill Heimdall, did you?"

"No, I did not. I merely incapacitated him and removed his Allsight."

"Good."

"Can you stand?" Loki asked quietly. "The guards will discover my absence soon, and I do not trust them with your safety." His anger bled into his tone, and Tony blushed.

The god really cared about him.

"Probably not," Tony sighed.

Loki huffed through his nose. "How do you feel about being carried?"

Tony flushed a darker red. Loki chuckled directly into his ear, and heat pooled-

**(Tony! the author snaps.**

**Whaaaat?)**

"I will take your eagerness as a _yes,_ " Loki smirked. Tony felt Loki's Seiðr flutter over him once, and then strong arms picked him up bridal style. Tony let out a quiet whimper when it jarred a couple of bruises.

Loki cursed softly. "I will _destroy_ them," he promised. "The should know that mortals are not as strong as them."

"I'll have you know-" Tony began, before wincing again when a cut stretched. "Ow. You know what, you can do whatever you want to do to them, but I wanna watch."

Loki scoffed. "I do not need your permission, _my_ apprentice." Was it Tony's imagination, or did Loki sound possessive? "And you are not strong enough to watch. But I _will_ show you the memory later."

"Wait," Tony said, "you can do that?"

"Yes. I will teach you later," Loki added, correctly interpreting Tony's excited look.

"Yesss!" Tony cheered quietly. Loki chuckled.

The god awkwardly opened a door, trying (and failing) not to jolt Tony, and Tony yelped.

"Are you all right?" Loki demanded in alarm.

"Yeah," Tony replied, which was a half-lie. _I'm finally in my prince's arms! I just wish it didn't hurt so much._

Loki gently pulled him closer. Something soft brushed against Tony's forehead, and then Loki said quietly, "We are going to travel to Midgard with a magic passage, which is safest given your condition. There is one that goes directly to your tower."

"Ehm, I sold it to SHIELD," Tony said regretfully. "I've got a house in Malibu." He'd had it rebuilt after the whole 'Mandarin' situation.

Tony could _feel_ Loki roll his eyes. "The closest passage to Malibu is twenty miles away."

"I'll have FRIDAY send a car," Tony shrugged, then winced again. "I'd better get my suit on first, though."

"Put it on me," Loki ordered. "The metal suit will hurt you more." Was that _worry_ in the god's voice?

Tony sighed. "Fine."

\-----------

Loki stared down at his mortal. He'd somehow fallen asleep while they'd travelled through the passage. Antony looked... peaceful.

Loki shook himself. Now was not the time.

"...FRIDAY?" he asked slowly.

"Who are you, and where's my boss?" a female voice demanded. She sounded... what was the word Midgardians used... Irish.

"Antony is asleep," Loki responded soothingly. "My name is Loki Friggason. I have been teaching Antony to control his magic."

FRIDAY was silent for a moment. "Is Mr. Stark all right?"

"He was attacked by some of Thor's friends," Loki scowled. He was still _incredibly_ furious at them, but he would deal with them later. "His injuries are healing, but he will be unable to move for a few days."

"Mr. Odinson needs better friends," FRIDAY said angrily. Loki choked off a laugh; she was definitely one of Antony's creations. "Since Mr. Stark is unconscious, I will send a car. Mr. Rhodes and Mr. Hogan are at Mr. Stark's house, as well as Mr. Vision."

Loki recalled Antony's descriptions of his friends... who did not know that Antony had allied with him. He quickly glamoured himself to look... well, not like a homicidal maniac. "Thank you." He paused. "What is a _car?_ "

FRIDAY laughed, and images of odd machines appeared in front of him. "These are a few different types, Mr. Friggason. Would you like to see more?"

"No, thank you, this is sufficient. When will the car be arriving?"

"In approximately twenty minutes. It's being driven by Mr. Hogan, who insists on obeying all traffic laws. It annoys Mr. Stark, who drives like a drunk teenager."

Loki chuckled. "You are amusing."

"Thanks, Mr. Friggason." FRIDAY sounded smug.

Several minutes later, Antony groaned. "Where are we?"

"Midgard," Loki answered. "Twenty miles from your house," he added. "Hogan is coming to pick us up."

Antony yawned and blinked, then snuggled closer to Loki, wincing slightly. "How long have I been on Asgard?"

"Six months," Loki responded.

"Gosh, that long?" Antony shook his head and winced again. "Hap and Rhodes are probably freaking out."

"We will have to come up with another name for me, unless you'd like your friends to know _exactly_ what you've been doing," Loki said lazily.

"Oh, I already have one," Antony grinned. Loki rolled his eyes. "Lockton Silver, my bodyguard/lawyer."

"Lawyer?" Loki questioned, already hating the name.

A few minutes later, a sleek black, topless car appeared on the sidewalk, and a tall Midgardian stepped out of the car, looking alarmed. "Boss, what happened? FRIDAY said you were-"

"I'm fine, Hap, calm down," Antony snorted. "Oh, this is Mr. Silver, my new personal lawyer and bodyguard, at least until I'm healed again."

Happy glanced at him, and Loki had the helmet open, allowing the man to see his cropped chocolate hair, pale skin, and green eyes. Happy nodded and addressed Antony again. "What happened?"

"Eh, some of Thor's friends attacked me," Antony shrugged, wincing.

"What did you do," Happy sighed, rubbing his head.

"What makes you think I did anything?" Antony sputtered.

"Just, get in the car," Happy groaned. "Is Mr. Silver coming with us?"

"Until I know Mr. Stark is safe and resting," Loki replied, his voice a softer, lighter tenor, removing the suit of armor and helping Antony into the back of the car. Antony nudged him, wincing again, and gestured to the cloth belt attached to the seat. Realizing what he meant, he carefully secured he and Antony to the car. He needed to learn more about Midgardian machines....

\-----------

Asgard was in a state of uproar. Loki was missing; the Gatekeeper was in critical condition, his Allsight completely gone; and Thor still could not find Odin. He knew very well that he was in no way ready to receive the throne, even with several months of extra training. He needed to appoint a new Gatekeeper until Heimdall could resume the role -- _if_ he could resume the role -- and he needed to find Loki and Odin.

Thor sighed and rubbed his forehead. This was far too much to deal with.

The door opened, and Sif, Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg came rushing in. Volstagg looked incredibly guilty and worried.

"What is it?" Thor groaned. More bad news?

"The mortal is missing," Sif declared, her eyes full of suspicion.

"If you believe Stark aided Loki in his treachery, you are wrong," Thor said firmly, hiding his doubts. He knew Stark was amazed by Heimdall and would never wish him harm, but as for helping Loki escape.... "What is wrong, Volstagg?"

Volstagg looked away. "I... nothing, Prince Thor."

Thor frowned, seeing Hogun's irritated expression and Fandral's mask of innocence. "What did you do?" he asked coldly.

"The mortal asked for lessons in fencing," Sif said calmly. "We merely granted his wish."

"He did not _wish_ for us to nearly kill him!" Volstagg snapped at her.

" _What?_ " Thor snarled.

"He was still breathing!" Fandral reassured him quickly. "And I am not sure why you still care for the mortal, he most likely aided the traitor-"

" _Do not._ Speak ill of my friend," Thor ordered furiously. His rage and power made the four cower in alarm. "If I find that your _lessons_ killed Stark, you will be _banished._ The Midgardians trust us; if you have killed one of their _greatest warriors,_ they will _never_ allow us on their planet again. Get out," he growled.

The four fled, Volstagg cast him an apologetic, anxious look. Thor rubbed his face again. Now he had another reason to find Loki -- to make sure his friend was still alive.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki figures out his feelings for Tony.  
> Tony figures out that Loki is a great snogger.  
> Thor is relieved that Tony is alive.  
> The brothers make a bargain.

"Where did Tony find you?" the dark-skinned man named Rhodey asked.

Loki raised a brow, stalling. "Why do you ask?"

"We would like to make sure you are safe for Antony," the robot, Vision, said calmly. Loki could sense he was in pain, though, given this distress in the man's eyes.

Loki felt a flash of alarm. "I would _never_ harm him," he said fiercely. The two mortals flinched back in shock at his snarled words. Vision relaxed slightly.

"Oy, Lockton, stop yelling at my bros," Antony yelled from his room.

"Go to sleep, Antony," Loki called back in a much gentler tone. "You need to heal."

Rhodey and Happy exchanged glances. Happy looked annoyed, while Rhodes was extremely amused.

"So," Rhodey said quietly, snickering, "you like Tony?"

Loki blinked. "I believe the 'like' you are thinking about is not the one I am thinking about. I consider Antony a... friend." He'd never had one, so he wasn't sure.

Rhodey raised an eyebrow as Happy snorted derisively. "So, you don't have a crush on him?"

Loki frowned slightly. "What is a crush?"

"Did you grow up under a rock?" Rhodey said irritably, rolling his eyes. _No, on top of one,_ Loki thought dryly. "Do you have _romantic feelings_ for Tony Stark?"

He was about to snap an insistent _'No'_ but paused. His Seiðr was angry at that answer -- as well as pushing him to take revenge against Thor's idiotic friends.

Frowning slightly, Loki considered if what he felt about Antony was _romantic._

He had felt pleased and soft when he held his mortal in his arms.

_(Stop calling him 'your' mortal! he told himself frustratedly.)_

Would he kiss him?

Loki's Seiðr purred when he imagined himself kissing Antony, and his stomach fluttered with longing.

Oh, dear, he was blushing.

**(Thank you, Loki, for keeping this innocent, the author says irritably. Tony has a problem.**

**Oh, I was thinking about sex, I just didn't say it.**

**Enough with your smug tone, the author snaps.)**

Rhodey smirked. Happy was scowling, and Vision was smiling sadly. "Well, that answers my question."

"If you hurt Tony," Happy snarled, "we will make sure you regret it."

 _The mortal does not have very good threats,_ Loki thought amusedly, hiding it behind a calm mask. "I would never dream of it," he assured the man.

"I'm guessing that because _you_ didn't know you like Tony that Tony doesn't know," Rhodey said, wincing as he shifted. Apparently, the witchling Wanda Maximoff had brainwashed Vision into shooting Rhodes out of the sky, and now his legs were nearly paralyzed.

"He does not," Loki agreed. "And I would prefer that he does not find out." He wasn't sure if his mortal wanted him back.

"You did not see the expression on Antony's face when you let go of him," Vision said quietly. "He was disappointed. His heartbeat was accelerated all the time you carried him, and his eyes dilated every time your face was close to his."

Loki kept his fact a stone mask, while on the inside he was torn between glee, longing, and worry. He would ask Antony when he woke up... if he had the courage.

\----------

"Hey, FRI," Tony said, carefully sitting up. He relaxed when it no longer hurt. "Tell Lokes I want to talk to him. If he's around people, call him Mr. Silver."

"Of course, Mr. Stark," FRIDAY answered, a slight note of amusement in her tone.

Gods, all his AI's had snark, didn't they?

A moment later, a knock sounded, and Loki entered the room. His Lockton Silver glamour fell when he shut the door, allowing Tony to admire his prince.

"Are you well, Antony?" Loki asked worriedly, taking a seat on the edge of his bed.

"Yup, I feel way better," Tony grinned. "Still hurts a bit if I try to stand up, but sitting's okay. Hey FRI, tell Happy to bring me a bowl of cereal, I'm starved."

There was a pause, and then FRIDAY said, "Mr. Hogan asks what cereal his highness wants."

Loki stared at FRIDAY, obviously thinking that Tony's friend had figured out his secret. Tony laughed. "Lokes, it's a joke. Whenever I'm sick or recovering from an Avenger attack, Happy or Rhodey take care of me. Sometimes I get really demanding, and they sarcastically call me 'your highness.'"

"They would be imprisoned if they made such a joke on Asgard," Loki said dryly, relaxing. "Only Thor and I are to be called 'your highness.'"

"Well, _your highness,_ you should know that FRIDAY is always listening in," Tony said with a smirk. Loki's eyes dilated slightly at the term, then frowned slightly at the warning. "She can also allow _me_ to listen in. For example, the conversation you had with Rhodey, Hap, and Vis yesterday, about _moi._ "

The way Loki suddenly turned bright red caused Tony to burst out laughing. "Well, who knew a handsome mortal could make a handsome god blush?"

It took a moment for Loki to process the sentence, but when he did, he slowly smirked. "Oh, you think I'm handsome, do you, my apprentice?" he purred.

Tony was _so glad_ there was a blanket covering _that_ area, otherwise, Loki would have seen through his mask of glee and see-

**(Tony! the author snaps.**

**Stupid authors.**

**I could discontinue this right now, the author threatens, before you even get a chance to kiss your crush.**

**Fine! You are the greatest author ever! Please let me kiss Loki!** **)**

Tony's thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on the door. "I'm bringing his highness' cereal," Happy drawled.

Tony scowled as Loki was suddenly Lockton Silver again. He half contemplated sending Happy away, but his stomach disagreed loudly.

"Come in, Happy," Tony sighed. He was pleased to see that Loki was just as irritated at the interruption as he was.

Happy, noticing the tense atmosphere, quickly gave Tony the cereal and left. Tony was about to take a bite when Loki was suddenly next to him, glamour gone.

"You are still recovering, my apprentice," Loki said in a smooth, sexy voice. He took the bowl from Tony's hands. "Let me feed you."

Aaaaaaand Tony's problem was back.

Tony barely lasted three bites -- which Loki fed him with a look of lust on his face -- before he said breathlessly, "I'll eat later, I want to kiss you now."

Loki chuckled, eyes darkening further. "As you wish, my brave little mortal." He set the bowl on the bedside table and lunged at Tony.

Tony's yelp was cut off by Loki's lips smashing into his.

And, _oh gods, please don't stop!_

It was official, gods really were great at everything, like snogging.

\----------

Thor had just closed the door to his room when he felt a dagger against his neck.

"Do not scream," Loki's silky voice whispered in his ear.

"Is the Man of Iron well?" Thor asked quietly, relaxing.

There was a startled silence for a moment, and then Loki said quietly, "He is healing well. He will be completely healthy by tomorrow morning.

"You are not struggling," his brother said cautiously.

"I am not ready for the throne," Thor said honestly. "And I am not ready for this type of responsibility. You may have the throne -- on two conditions," he added.

"You are not in a position to make demands," Loki sneered.

"You will enjoy one of them," Thor replied dryly. "The first, you are not allowed to execute anyone unless Mother would have agreed. Second, the first thing as king that you must do is punish the Warriors three and ex-Lady Sif."

"Ex-Lady?" Loki questioned, his tone filled with dark glee.

"Yes, I removed the title when I discovered what she did," Thor growled. "You may do whatever you wish to them -- save Volstagg, I have already punished him -- but you cannot kill them."

"I was not planning on punishing the fat one," Loki admitted. "Antony told me that Volstagg stopped them from killing him and took him to the healers. And Volstagg has never insulted me, although he did not stop you and your friends from doing the same."

Thor growled. "They are _not_ my friends."

"Good. I will be taking you to Midgard-"

"I want to search for Bruce Banner," Thor corrected. "He is Stark's friend, but he was lost many years ago to space."

"So the third condition is to let you go where you please?" Loki scoffed, but Thor could sense he was wavering.

Thor chuckled. "Brother, are you in love with the Man of Iron?"

"I am not your brother!" Loki snapped. After a short pause, he added, in a surprisingly honest tone, "I do care very much for my mortal, but I am not sure if I love him... yet."

"He has been hurt by so many," Thor warned. "Do not hurt my friend."

"I would _never,_ " Loki retorted ferociously. "He is mine -- I take care of those who belong to me."

"Good," Thor said simply. "May I leave now?"

The dagger disappeared. "Give me a moment, and I will tell you where Banner is."

Thor turned around. Loki was surrounded by glowing strings of Seiðr, his eyes half-closed, and was muttering in Latin. A moment later, the strings pulsed once and disappeared.

"Bruce Banner is currently on the planet Sakaar, as the Grandmaster's own champion." Loki sounded annoyed.

"Why is that a problem?" Thor asked curiously.

"First, because the Grandmaster is an annoying idiot," Loki scowled. "Secondly, because Banner is currently stuck as the Hulk."

Thor stifled a chuckle, because laughing at Loki was a Very Bad Thing. "Thank you," he said instead.

Loki was startled.

"I know that I have been a terrible brother," Thor said quietly, "and that you deserve a family that cares about you. I am not asking for forgiveness, Loki, because I know you would never give it to me. I will still apologize for my behavior, because I have always considered you my brother."

For a moment, Loki's eyes were wide with shock, and then his mask was back in place. "I do not consider you my brother," Loki said calmly. Thor flinched. "But I accept your apology. And I may, in the future, regard you... as a friend."

Thor gaped at Loki. Well, a friend was better than he he ever hoped for when it came to the god of mischief. "Thank you," he whispered again.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Enough sentiment. Go rescue your Hulk. I have a kingdom to run." He disappeared.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's first day as king is a success, at least for Loki (not for Hogun, Fandral, and Sif).  
> Tony watched Loki's memory of their punishment and is delighted.  
> The two lovebirds start planning the torture of Pepper Potts, Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes.  
> Warning! Torture

Sif was sparing with Fandral and Hogun -- Volstagg no longer spent time with them -- when two guards appeared in the Jousting Arena, looking angry.

"The King summons you to the throne room," one growled.

Fandral dropped his sword, eyes shining. "The Allfather has been found?" Hogun leaped over the ropes and walked over to the guards.

"No. King Thor has accepted the throne," the guard said coldly. "You will come _now._ "

Sif bristled. "How dare you address me in such a way! I am a lady!"

"Your title was removed," the other guard sneered. "Come, _now._ "

Scowling, Sif followed the guards, Hogun, and Fandral to the throne room.

Thor was sitting on the throne, a furious expression on his face. His eyes glittered oddly, but Sif dismissed that.

"You summoned us, my king?" Fandral asked eagerly as the three of them knelt.

"You are all under arrest for attempted murder," Thor snapped.

"What?" Sif shrieked, as Hogun and Fandral gaped at the king.

"Silence!" Thor snarled. "The attempted murder of the representative of Midgard, an apprentice of one of our own, and my friend. You will receive one hundred years in prison-"

"-what!"

"-as well as, according to law, retribution from the mentor of Tony Stark," Thor finished coldly.

The three of them froze. Loki gave _incredibly painful_ retribution.

"Escort them to the dungeons," Thor growled.

Six guards came forward, snatching their arms. Sif shrieked again and began struggling. Fandral grew limp, forcing the guards to drag him away. Hogun snatched his arms out of the guards' grasp and followed Fandral, his head high.

Loki was standing in the middle of the torture chamber, eyes glittering, a deadly smirk on his face. He carried a whip in one hand and a dagger in the other.

"Welcome," Loki purred.

Sif spat at him as she, Hogun, and Fandral were forced into the cuffs dangling from the walls.

"Tsk, tsk," Loki clucked disapprovingly, gently tracing her cheekbone with the edge of the dagger. "That was very rude, dear." Sif sneered at him.

The guards left, one of them giving the three a nasty look. This one slammed the door behind him.

**(Good old Alec.)**

Loki stalked to the middle of the room. "I am sure you _all_ know why you are here." His expression became cold, and he hissed, " _You nearly killed my apprentice._ "

"He deserved it!" Sif spat. "He is a traitor to his world, being trained by _you_ , who knows what lies you have put in his head!"

Loki snapped the whip, and Sif screamed, a red mark appearing on her ankle.

"Your torture will be less painful if you desist from insulting my lover," Loki said coolly. The three of them gaped at him. "Now, how shall we begin?" Loki stalked over to the weapons, the dagger and whip disappearing. "Hmm..." he lightly touched a deadly-looking stick with broken shards of glass on the top of it.

**(You are terrible at describing torture weapons.**

**Well, sue me for never having tortured anyone! the author snaps.**

**When you say 'innocent minds,' were you describing yourself?**

**...shut up and get back to the torture!)**

"No, let's begin with something simple," Loki said lazily. He snapped his fingers, and Sif was suddenly alone in a pit, knee-deep in vipers.

Sif screamed as one of them bit her ankle, pain spreading up her leg. Another one bit her arm. Soon her body was numb with agony.

Vaguely, she could hear Fandral shrieking about rats -- _his_ worst fear -- and Hogun was howling with pain. Most likely he was facing direwolves, which was the thing _he_ was most terrified of.

Just before Sif lost consciousness, the three of them were back in the dungeon cell, the pain and wounds gone.

Loki sneered. "I just realized I've been very rude to my guests. I haven't introduced you to my favorite form of torture." Two jagged daggers appeared in his hands. Sif groaned. This was going to be a long night.

\----------

Hogun collapsed in his own pool of blood. Sif was barely keeping her eyes open, skin still dripping with the red liquid. Fandral was already unconscious -- the weakling.

Loki sighed. "Well, I hoped to do more, but... well, there's always tomorrow... and the next day... and the next...." A deadly smile formed on his face. "You see, my dear brother never gave me a time limit on your torture. So, until I become bored with your screams...."

Sif and Hogun stared at him in horror. Loki grinned savagely. "I don't think I will."

\----------

Tony moaned as he pulled out of Loki's mind. "That was _hot._ "

Loki smirked. "I enjoyed it."

"Because they hurt me, or because they hurt you?" Tony asked, plopping himself in Loki's lap.

Loki nipped at his ear, and Tony gasped. "I confess that I was not thinking about myself at all during the torture, pet."

Tony kissed the god long and hard. Loki gripped his hair, tugging it harshly, and Tony growled into his prince's lips.

They pulled apart, Tony panting. Loki wasn't even a little bit tired! Unfair!

Loki pulled Tony closer and kissed his neck. Tony leaned his head slightly, giving him more space to work with. "What do you have planned... for the torture... of your ex-lovers... and their friends?" Loki kissed his neck every time he paused.

Tony lay his head on Loki's shoulder, still panting. "Well, I haven't... planned Potts' and the witchling's yet -- oh _gods_ -" Loki had slowly drawn his tongue from his ear to his collarbone. When Tony could think clearly again, he gasped, "I do have... a place in mind... for the torture -- Lokes, I can't concentrate," he groaned when Loki dipped his tongue beneath his shirt.

"My apologies," Loki said lazily, not sounding sorry at all. Tony tried to speak again, but Loki bit gently at his collar bone, and he sucked air sharply between his teeth.

"Guess I can explain later," Tony panted. "Just don't stop."

Loki chuckled darkly. "I wasn't planning on it, pet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to skip the torture, I promise not to skip the rogues' torture.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper wishes she never dated Tony Stark.  
> Loki loves torturing people.  
> Warning! Torture

Tony finished sending out the invitations and smirked. "How are you doing with the 'Party Gossip,' FRI?"

"It's top news at every news site, social media site, and gossip sites, sir," FRIDAY said proudly. "Everyone will be talking about it almost immediately."

"Good girl," Tony approved.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "And how are you going to lure the witchling, Rogers, and his lover to the 'party'? They are fugitives, are they not?"

Tony snorted. "The incredibly self-righteous Steve Rogers sent me a _disposable_ _cell phone_ because, and I quote, 'You might need all the Avengers together someday, you're only human, Tony.' As if he didn't remind me of that by smashing my chest to bits," he hissed. Loki's eyes flashed with anger.

"Sir?" Vision had appeared through the walls. Tony and Loki jumped

"Gosh, Vis, how many times do I have to tell you-" Tony gasped.

Vision smiled weakly. "Apologies, sir, my mind was on other things." He glanced at the computer. "Hello, sister."

"Hey, Vis," FRIDAY said worriedly. "What's wrong?"

Vision turned back to Tony, after giving Loki a nod. "What is the reason you are torturing Maximoff, sir?"

"Because she hurt you and brainwashed you into hurting Rhodey," Tony responded, eyes darkening.

"Would it be possible, then, for _me_ to torture her?" Vision asked.

Tony gaped at him. Then he grinned. "As long as I get to watch afterward."

Vision dipped his head. "The address?"

Knowing exactly what Vision was asking, Tony gave him the address of the abandoned warehouse he was planning to use for the torture. Vision nodded again and left.

"While we are on the topic," Loki said, sounding slightly hesitant. Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "I would like to torture Potts."

Tony frowned slightly. "Why Potts?"

"Well, you want so much to torture Rogers and Barnes, I would not take that from you," Loki began. Tony hid a smile. "But I _would_ like to avenge my lover."

Tony launched himself into Loki's arms and the next second, he was smashed up against the wall, Loki growling into his lips. They broke apart a moment later, Tony panting and Loki gazing at him with lust.

"I suppose that is a yes?" Loki said quietly.

"Definitely," Tony responded breathlessly. "As long as-"

"-you get to _watch_ afterward," Loki chuckled. This made their bodies vibrate together, and they were connected by the lips again.

**(Tony, _stop,_ the author complains.**

**Whaaaat? The readers want the good stuff!**

**Arggggg.)**

\------------

Pepper gaped at her phone.

"What is it?" her boyfriend asked, stretching.

"The party everyone's talking about," Pepper exclaimed. "I have an invitation!"

"Really?" Mike asked interestedly. "Congratulations. Where is it?" He wriggled his eyebrows. "And do you have a plus-one?"

"Sorry, no," Pepper apologized; although if she did have one, she would have taken her other boyfriend, Oliver, who was polite and looked much better in a suit. "Huh, that's funny."

"What is it?" Mike opened a large bag of Doritos.

"From what I remember, that address is an abandoned warehouse."

"It's probably the only thing big enough for a party that awesome," Mike pointed out, dropping a chip in his mouth and chewing loudly.

"True," Pepper agreed. "Well, it's in an hour, so I have to get ready."

\-----------

Steve was making out with Bucky on his lap when he heard his phone ringing. With a noise not unlike a plunger, they broke apart, panting. "Sorry," Steve apologized, grabbing his phone off the bedside table. He frowned. It was silent. So what-

"Oh my gosh." Steve pushed Bucky off of his lap and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a black, disposable phone. "It's _Stark._ "

"Ignore it," Bucky complained, straddling him. "I was having fun."

Steve kissed Bucky's neck. "Sorry, I told him to only call in an emergency." He answered the phone. "Stark?"

"I can't talk long," Stark hissed from the other side of the phone. Steve heard loud, raucous laughter, thumps, and Vision groaning. "Vision's been kidnapped. There's basically no time, just grab whoever you're with and get over here."

"Where is here?" Steve sighed, pushing Bucky off his lap again and grabbing his suit. "Just so you know, it's Bucky and Wanda with me, you sure you want-"

"I wouldn't have called if I didn't have to!" Tony snarled under his breath. "It's Vision, if it had been anyone else, I would have rescued him on my own, but there's too many." Tony gave him the address and hung up.

"You remember the red robot?" Steve asked Bucky as he pulled the blue leggings over his boxers. Bucky nodded, gazing at his butt hungrily. "Well, he's in trouble. Wanda!" he shouted.

There was a curse in Russian and then, "What?"

"Your boyfriend's been kidnapped. Stark sent the address, we're helping him rescue Vision."

"WHAT!" A crash, another curse, and then rustling.

"Suit up," Steve told Bucky.

\-----------

**From the Frying Pan Into the Fire (Pepper)**

When Pepper arrived at the warehouse, it was decorated with strings of lights, and she could hear music blaring inside, with the sounds of talking, laughter, and dancing. She grinned and walked up to the front door.

She opened the door and found a long hallway, at the end of which were two open double doors, showing a dimly-lit room with a huge crowd of people. She walked towards the crowd, head high and a smirk on her face.

Except...

She wasn't getting any closer to the room.

The hallway seemed to get longer and longer. The more she walked, the farther the party seemed to be.

What the heck was this?

Pepper cursed and walked faster, but this just made the room even farther away. Scowling, she turned.

The front door had disappeared. Instead there was another incredibly long hallway, and at the other end were two open double doors with a half-lit room and a crowd of dancing, happy people.

Growling at the stupid prank someone was pulling on her, she pulled out her cell phone to call the police.

There was no signal.

That was impossible! There was a cell tower two blocks away!

Pepper was starting to get nervous. "Hello?" she shouted. "This isn't funny!"

Nothing.

Desperate, Pepper glanced around, looking for other doors. Maybe one was an exit.

There were none.

"I'm calling my lawyer!" Pepper snarled, glaring at her phone.

A dark chuckle echoed through the hallway. "You could, if there were a signal, Miss Potts."

Pepper froze. "Who are you?"

"Who am I?" the voice laughed. "No, the question is, who are _you,_ Miss Potts."

"You obviously know who I am," she snapped.

"I've been looking all over the internet," the voice continued lazily, "and I can't seem to find any proof that you enjoy having two boyfriends at once, one for the public and one for good sex. Do Michael Bane and Oliver Weeks know you are dating both of them?"

Pepper paled.

"Did Aldrich Killian know you were dating Antony Stark while you called yourself his girlfriend?" There was a slight note of ice in his tone now.

"I -- I don't know what you're talking about," Pepper rasped.

"Do you?" the voice sneered. "Well, until you admit your crime, you will never escape this hallway."

Pepper sat down and gripped her hair. "Rich knew," she said quietly. "He hated Tony, he didn't care."

An angry hiss sounded above her, and she jumped. Was this person one of Tony's obsessed fans?

**(Oh no, dear, he's Tony's lover, the author sneers.**

**Hush, this is the good part.**

**Fiiiiiine.)**

"Well done, my dear," the voice sneered. "You passed level one."

"Level _what?_ " Pepper choked.

And suddenly, she was falling through darkness.

She reappeared with a _thump_ in a cold, windowless room. Her purse and phone were gone.

"You said you would let me go!" she cried angrily.

"No, I said you would not escape the hallway," the voice said lazily, and she jumped; whoever it was was in the room with her. "And I _always_ keep my promises, my dear."

"Who are you?" Pepper whispered.

"Antony's lover," the voice responded coolly. Pepper blanched. "He is well aware of what is going to happen to you, my _dear._ Now, on to level two."

"What's... what's level two?" Pepper asked anxiously.

"Guess," the voice laughed. Then silence.

Pepper swallowed and glanced around. There were no doors, no windows, no anything. Taking a deep breath -- and ignoring the frost building up everywhere -- she walked to the walls and started feeling for a secret door.

\-----------

Pepper didn't know how long it had been. Hours? Days? But she was still in the room, and she hadn't found a single exit. It was also steadily getting colder, and she was _not_ wearing the right outfit for thirty-degree weather.

Pepper sat in the corner and pulled her knees to her chest.

"Giving up already?" the voice chuckled. "Well, I suppose I could give you a hint."

Pepper didn't answer. Tony was dating a maniac.

"You haven't checked the ceiling." Silence again.

Pepper staggered to her feet and pressed her hands against the cold ceiling. To her surprise, her hands went directly _through_ it. The ceiling was an illusion.

Quickly, she began feeling around for a handhold. She almost sobbed in relief when she found a bar, what felt like a ladder, in the middle of the ceiling. She pulled herself out of the room.

Once past the illusion, she found herself in a huge, dark cavern. It was much warmer than the previous room, so Pepper wasn't in danger of dying from hypothermia.

"Welcome to level three, my dear," the voice purred, his voice echoing around the cave. "Almost the final level. Good luck." The voice disappeared again.

Pepper had bolted almost as soon as he'd said 'welcome to level three.' Hopefully she could find a wall, the most likely place to find an exit.

Except... no matter how hard she ran, she couldn't find the end of the cavern.

At first, Pepper thought she'd been running in circles. But no, she'd followed the line of stalactites, and they didn't curve at all.

Pepper sat down, panting.

Problem one: the cavern was endless. So much for finding the walls.

Problem two: it was steadily getting warmer.

Problem two was what told Pepper there _was_ an exit, probably a vent of some kind. How else was the man making the cave get warmer?

It was about seventy degrees, and it had started around fifty. Pepper didn't have a lot of time to find an exit before it would get too hot to function.

\----------

The shade wasn't any cooler, because the cave was as well-lit as the supposed party had been. Pepper assumed now that the entire party had been as real as the ceiling in the cold room.

Pepper sat down, panting. She was tired, hungry, thirsty, covered in sweat and dirt, and in danger of heatstroke.

"You give up so easily," the voice drawled. "A hint, then?"

"Please," Pepper rasped.

"The stalactite that has touched the ground." The voice disappeared again.

Pepper stood shakily. She remembered that stalactite; she'd passed it a moment earlier. Which direction...

Swaying, she headed off again.

It took her a while to find it again, and now it was surely past one hundred degrees. Pepper collapsed against the stalactite-

-and fell _through_ it.

She fell against a mattress and was splashed with a gallon of ice water. Pepper yelped and almost leaped back into the boiling cavern.

This room was about the size of the cold room, but the walls of this one were covered in torture weapons. Pepper blanched.

"Welcome to level five, the final level."

A tall, raven-haired man appeared in the room, leaning casually beside a long whip. His green eyes glittered, and he was smirking.

" _Loki?_ " Pepper gasped. "You can't be Tony's-"

"Ah, but I am," the god of lies and mischief laughed. He pulled a black straight jacket off the wall. "And today, my dear, you will know the feeling of _pain._ "

Pepper hissed at him, but she was still weak from overheating. Loki easily pushed her into the jacket.

"Do you want to know how I discovered your worst fear, Pepper Potts?" Loki asked casually, grabbing a muzzle off the wall as well.

 _Tony,_ Pepper thought furiously.

Her worst fear, of course, was being trapped. Which was probably why she was now wearing a straight jacket and a muzzle.

"I added to that fear by ignoring you, and making your body too cold and too hot," Loki continued. "This time, I will add to that fear by causing you _pain._ Pain you cannot escape." He sneered at her and pressed one cold finger to her forehead.

Pepper screamed.

\---------

_"What did you show her?" Tony questioned, eyes dark with glee._

_"Her worst memories."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda, Steve and Bucky come to 'rescue' Vision, but are tortured instead.  
> Warning! Extreme Torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll probably hate me afterwards -- that's how bad the torture is.  
> I'm skipping Wanda's torture, because I have no idea what to do.  
> Ideas?

The fugitive trio arrived at the warehouse two minutes after Pepper had disappeared inside. Tony hid a grin at the sight of them and instead hissed sarcastically, "Took you long enough, Capsicle."

Rogers ignored him. "Where's Vision?"

"They moved him," Tony scowled. Maximoff looked upset. "FRIDAY gave me the specs; he's most likely in the center of the warehouse, it's apparently soundproof."

Which implied that no one would hear Vision scream.

Maximoff blanched. "We have to save him!"

"No duh, Red," Tony scoffed. "There's still too many bad guys to take down them all. We'll just go in, find Vision, and get out. Capsicle, Emo Soldier-" Barnes glared at him "-and I will hold them off until Red can get Vision free. Then we bolt."

"That's actually a good plan," Rogers said in surprise.

"What, I can't come up with good plans now and then?" Tony snapped at him. "Let's go." He shut his helmet and soared into the air.

Twenty minutes later, they had reached the center of the warehouse with no interruptions.

"Does it seem odd to you that no one's attacked yet?" Tony frowned.

"It's definitely a trap," Barnes agreed.

"They used my Vision as _bait?_ " Maximoff hissed.

 _He's not_ your _Vision!_ Tony barely managed to keep from snapping at her.

"Bucky and I will scout out the warehouse, see where they're hiding," Rogers decided quietly. "We're the best at stealth -- no offense, Tony."

Tony could _literally_ turn invisible, but he wasn't going to tell Rogers that. "Yeah, this suit doesn't exactly scream 'stealthy,'" Tony pretended to agree. "Red and I will get Vis out."

"Meet us at the door," Rogers ordered, before he and Barnes snuck off.

"I'll cover you, Red," Tony offered, hiding his glee; his plan was working!

Maximoff nodded and peeked into the room. Horror and rage appeared on her face. "They have him tied up! He's hurt!"

"We can help him as soon as we're out," Tony told her, stifling an eye-roll. Maximoff nodded and slipped into the room.

Tony closed the door and locked it, smirking. He heard Maximoff curse and Vision fake a groan.

Time for phase two!

Stifling a giggle of excitement, Tony turned invisible and soared after the two super soldiers. This was going to be fun!

Barnes and Rogers were still carefully scouting out each room, which were glamoured to look like the warehouse was home to a bunch of terrorists. (Tony had wanted to prank them by adding HYDRA symbols everywhere, but one, he hated HYDRA, and two, the two would instantly hightail it out of there.)

"This is getting too suspicious," Barnes whispered to Rogers. "There should at least be someone manning the computers."

"I know," Rogers agreed. "It's a trap, but a trap for who?"

Tony snickered quietly. Oh, Rogers was smart, he'd give him that.

"What do you mean?"

"When Wanda said Vision was bait, it struck me that it was too easy getting in here," Rogers said softly, glancing into another empty room. "Someone lured the four of us here. The question is which one of us they wanted."

Tony raised a hand and flicked it. Instantly, a fake alarm blared, and the two soldiers jumped.

Rogers cursed. "Time to go."

"But-" Barnes began.

Tony flicked his hand again, and the sounds of pursuit came from behind.

"Guess we're going out the other way," Rogers said with a sigh. He darted down the hall, followed quickly by his boyfriend.

Tony giggled again, soaring after the two.

 _I have never heard you giggle before, pet._ Loki spoke directly into his mind, sounding amused. _It's adorable._

 _Shut up._ Tony was not blushing, he was definitely not blushing.

**(Awwwww, the author coos.**

**Shut up!  
**

**Testy, testy....)**

Using more sound illusions, Tony herded Rogers and Barnes into a large office, which had been cleared except for two Memory Suppressing Machines.

(Turns out, you can find anything on the internet.)

Barnes froze, panicking.

"Buck, they can't hurt you," Rogers said quickly, pulling him into the room. "But this is the only place to hide." Tony slipped into the room just before Rogers shut the doors.

The two huddled together, Barnes shaking in his boyfriend's arms. If Tony had been normal, he would have felt guilt, but all he felt was glee.

With a snap of his fingers, the doors locked. The two soldiers jumped, and Barnes pulled out a gun, frantically aiming it everywhere.

"Oh, put that down, you'll take someone's eye out," Tony sneered, appearing with another wave, changing his Iron Man suit to a crisp black two-piece. The two gaped at him. "What? Do you really think I'd be so stupid as to _actually_ let Vis get kidnapped? Please."

Rogers' eyes widened. " _You_ lured us here."

"Oh yes," Tony said gleefully. "You see, when you left me to die six months ago, darling, I was oh-so-unhappy. Then I was given a gift." He allowed his Seiðr to flow around him, and Barnes' and Rogers' jaws dropped. "I decided to put it to good use." He snapped his fingers, and all the solders' weapons disappeared. The two were forced to the ground, unable to move.

"I hope you appreciate the effort it took to host this," Tony said lazily, leaning against the wall. "I mean, it took so much Seiðr to make all those illusions -- there's only seven people here, including you two, Red, Vis, and myself -- and on top of that, we had to make it look like a party two minutes before you arrived."

"A par..." Rogers paled. "The one everyone's talking about?"

"Oh, yes, the invitations were extremely exclusive," Tony purred. "So exclusive, only one person was invited: my wonderful, cheating ex-girlfriend, Pepper Potts."

"You said 'we,'" Barnes rasped. "Who's 'we'?"

"Ah, me and my boyfriend, Sorcerer Silvertongue," Tony smirked. "My magic teacher."

"'Silvertongue'?" Rogers repeated slowly, paling. "Isn't that what Thor calls his brother?"

"He's not my brother."

Loki appeared beside Tony, looking bored. "We have made up, however," he added. "I found the location of Bruce Banner, and he gave up the throne."

"What?" Rogers sputtered.

"Who are you and what is going on?" Barnes demanded.

"How's Potts doing?" Tony asked his lover, ignoring them.

"Terribly," Loki replied, eyes glittering.

"Great! I still want to see that memory," Tony added.

"Of course," Loki agreed.

"Great, I'll tell Hap to make popcorn!" Tony had to stop himself from squealing. Gods, torture turned him into a little girl being presented with a life-long supply of chocolate.

"What is popcorn?" Loki frowned.

"You've never had _popcorn?_ You're missing out!"

"Hey!" Rogers snapped. "Tony, he's obviously brainwashed you-"

"Do my eyes look blue to you?" Tony asked icily.

"What?"

"When Loki controlled/brainwashed Hawkeye and the Dr., their eyes changed to blue. Mine are still brown. And the whole torture thing? I've been planning this since you broke up with me -- _through text._ "

Rogers sank, obviously realizing that Tony was doing this of his own free will. Barnes was still confused.

"Shoo, I'll introduce you to popcorn later," Tony ordered his prince. Loki rolled his eyes, gave Tony a gentle kiss, and disappeared.

"He really is your boyfriend," Rogers said hoarsely. "Ton-"

"Let's get started!" Tony said brightly. "Mr. Barnes, if you'll be so kind as to take a seat-"

"What!" Barnes shrieked, looking between him and the Memory Suppressing Machines with horror.

"Let me instead!" Rogers said quickly, pale.

Tony paused. "That's a wonderful idea!" he said brightly, as if that wasn't his plan already. He'd known Rogers would save his boyfriend. "Have a seat, Capsicle!" He snapped his fingers, and Rogers was forced into a chair.

"Now, these are a bit different than the ones HYDRA made you use," Tony said casually, as if giving a tour to a group of school children. "They don't suppress memory -- though having your Stevie forget you would be hilarious -- but they still electrocute, and it really hurts." He flicked his wrist, and Rogers let out a shriek of pain.

"Stop!" Barnes rasped. " _Please!_ "

"I haven't even started yet," Tony pouted. "I'm hardly going to stop now!"

Rogers screamed again, his back arching, his eyes rolled back in his head. Barnes was sobbing.

"Maybe next time try not to kill me, Stevie," Tony crooned in his ex's ear when Rogers finished screaming. Rogers spat at him. "Rude!"

The soldier screamed louder, almost bending in half.

After an hour of this, Tony became bored.

"All done," he told Rogers with a clinically detached tone -- like a dentist telling a child they'd finished removing all his cavities. "Now for phase -- I forget, but one of them!" He pulled out a small black book, and Barnes howled in fear, jolting back from him.

Rogers' eyes widened. "How did you get that?" he asked, his voice nearly gone from all the screaming.

"Easily," Tony shrugged. "It only cost about fifty million dollars. There _is_ only one." He opened it and cleared his throat, then spoke in Russian. " _Longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car._ "

Barnes' eyes went blank.

"How!" Rogers winced and coughed. "Wakanda -- T'challa-"

"Oh, 'cause I have magic, did you forget?" Tony asked sweetly. He turned to Bucky. "Attack, but don't kill, I want him conscious _._ " He removed the super soldier's bonds with a flick of his wrist.

Barnes stood, then stalked over to Rogers, who stared at him with wide eyes. "Bucky," he whispered.

Tony sat back and watched, wishing he had a bowl of popcorn.

\---------

 **(I'm skipping 'cause I actually like Stucky, also I can't stomach emotional** **torture; and it is emotional torture.)**

"Stop," Tony ordered an hour later. Barnes stepped back, leaving a broken, bloody, bruised Steve Rogers. "That's beautiful," he said in glee. "I think Bucky Bear should see his artwork, don't you agree, Stevie?"

"You're a monster," Rogers hissed, coughing again. Blood dripped from his mouth.

"I know," Tony answered, grinning. He snapped his fingers, and Barnes jolted. The man's eyes filled with horror, and he collapsed in front of Rogers.

"S-Steve," he choked. "I'm s-"

"'s not your fault," Rogers said quickly.

"Aw, how sweet!" Tony cooed, tying Barnes up with another snap of his fingers. "Now for my final act, one of you will die by the hand of the other!"

"What?" Rogers blanched.

" _No!_ " Barnes panicked.

"Oh yes!" Tony said happily, clapping his hands like an excited child.

**(You are a child, the author snorts.**

**Am not!**

**You just proved my point.)**

"Hmm, now the question is, who will die?" Tony asked mock thoughtfully, as if he didn't already know. For another ten minutes, he thoughtfully stared between the two, enjoying their panic. "I know!" he said finally, waving his hand.

The ropes binding Barnes disappeared again. The Winter Soldier tried to attack Tony, but he couldn't move anything but his head and face. Tony handed the man a dagger, forcing him to stand. Rogers' eyes widened.

This time, Barnes was the one who screamed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki explain to Peter, Happy, and Rhodey what ACTUALLY happened in the past six months.  
> Thor comes back with Bruce and a girl.  
> The author is relieved the story is over...(see bottom notes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to skip Wanda's torture, just know she's insane now, continually screaming about evil Tony and her dead twin.

"Hi, Mr. Stark!" Peter said happily. Tony grinned and drew Peter into a tight hug. The kid gasped quietly and hugged back. Gods, he was adorable.

"Hey, kiddo," Tony said, releasing him. "Hap and Rhodey are in the living room with Vision. And pizza."

"What is pizza?" Loki questioned. Peter gaped at him.

"You don't know what pizza is, sir?"

"He's from Asgard," Tony explained. "Sadly, they don't have pizza."

"But it's _pizza,_ " Peter said dramatically. Loki chuckled.

"He didn't know what popcorn was, either," Tony whispered conspiratorially, making Peter gasp again, then giggle. "Go eat, I'll introduce him to you at the same time."

"Okay, Mr. Stark," Peter agreed. "Where do I put my backpack?"

"Just toss it anywhere," Tony said dismissively. Peter leaned it against the kitchen island and darted towards the smell of pizza.

The minute he was gone, Tony attached his lips to Loki's. His prince -- king, now -- growled and pulled him closer. Tony opened his mouth-

"Mr. Stark, you have guests," FRIDAY said with amusement and exasperation.

Tony scowled up at the ceiling, earning a chuckle from Loki. "She is correct, pet," his king said lazily, kissing his neck. "We will have time afterward for..." he slid his hand down and cupped Tony's butt "...other things."

Tony groaned. "Stop teasing!"

**(AHEM! the author chokes.**

**Fiiine)**

Loki released Tony, only to take his hand and lead him into the living room.

Happy and Rhodey were arguing quietly about what to do about Tony's sanity, while Peter was on the floor between them, giggling. Vision looked much more cheerful since he'd dumped Wanda (and tortured her) and was sitting across from the two arguing men eating a slice of cheese pizza.

"It does smell good," Loki mused, halting all conversation.

Tony grinned. "My favorite is the sausage mushroom pizza."

Happy gagged. "Mushrooms are horrible."

"Mushrooms are delicious!" Peter and Tony exclaimed at the same time. Rhodey rolled his eyes.

Loki dished a few slices of pizza -- cheese, pepperoni, and sausage mushroom -- and sat down. Tony, ignoring the other ten empty seats, took five slices of sausage mushroom and sat down on Loki's lap. This earned snickers from Rhodey and Vision, a giggle and a slightly relieved look from Peter, and an irritated look from Happy.

"So..." Rhodey said dryly, "what _actually_ happened in the past six months?"

"Did FRI show you the footage at the HYDRA facility?" Tony asked with a sigh. Judging by the furious looks on Happy and Rhodey and the concerned, angry look on Peter's face, they had. "Well, just when I was about to die, I got a gift from the universe."

"What drugs are you on?" Rhodey demanded. Happy snorted, and Vision chuckled.

"I'm not on any drugs!" Tony said indignantly. He lifted his hand and made his Seiðr flutter around him.

Happy's and Rhodey's jaws dropped, and Peter stared at his hand with awe. "Cool!" Peter squealed.

"I can do way more than that-" Tony began.

"Get back to the story, pet," Loki said quietly in his ear, making Tony shiver.

Clearing his throat -- and ignoring Rhodey's sniggering -- he said, "Earth doesn't have sorcerers for this-" he made the Seiðr swirl again "-but Asgard does."

"Don't tell me," Rhodey said, eyes widening in alarm.

Loki removed his Lockton Silver glamour, then took another bite of pizza, ignoring the gasps from Tony's mortal friends.

"Tony, are you _insane?_ " Rhodey choked.

"Yes," Tony said immediately. "Luckily I have you to keep me from doing really stupid things!" Peter burst into adorable giggles, almost knocking over his plate.

"I knew about Mr. Friggason," Vision said calmly, "and he has not persuaded Mr. Stark to do anything except relationship things."

"Like snogging and se-" Tony began, before yelping when Loki gave his butt a light slap. Peter giggled harder.

 _There is a child present,_ Loki warned Tony.

"So," Rhodey sighed, rubbing his eyes, "a homicidal maniac has been teaching you how to use magic for the past six months."

"Also harmless pranks," Tony argued.

"Depends on your definition of 'harmless,'" Happy pointed out.

"An over-abundance of flowers and cats, wet socks, stuff like that," Tony explained.

"Does Thor know you two are dating?" Rhodey asked abruptly.

"Yes," Loki answered. "He approves. At the moment, he is rescuing Dr. Bruce Banner."

"My second-favorite courting gift," Tony smirked.

"I don't want to know what your favorite was," Rhodey decided. "Knowing you, it involved-" He glanced at Peter and quieted.

"I'm not seven, I'm fifteen," Peter complained. "I know what sex is."

"See!" Tony exclaimed. Peter giggled again.

"You are a child," Rhodey sighed again, rubbing his forehead. "Look, as long as you don't tell me what you and Loki get up to -- and by that I mean both sex and your _adventures_ \-- I won't make a fuss. I can see you two really care about each other."

"Thanks," Tony grinned. "Hap, you good with this?"

"Are you happy with him?" Happy asked.

"I'm ecstatic," Tony responded, grinning. _Also frequently turned on._

**(Tony! the author snaps.**

**Jeez, fine, I'll shut up.)**

"Then I'm good, just don't tell me about..." Happy shuddered, and Tony smirked, realizing what he was asking. "I want to know about your 'adventures' in case you need help."

"We will totally tell you if we need help," Tony agreed. _Not that you could do much._ "Pete, you good?"

"You're happy, so I'm okay with it, Mr. Stark," Peter agreed. "Can we have a prank war?"

"No!" Rhodey and Happy exclaimed at the same time.

"Tony cheats," Happy complained. Tony gave him an innocent look.

"And now that he has _magic_ -" Rhodey added.

Peter sagged and looked down at his plate sadly, picking absentmindedly at the pizza. Tony noticed a glint in the kid's eyes and stifled a laugh; gods, the kid was good. Judging by Loki's chuckle in his head, he had noticed too.

"Okay, okay," Rhodey said quickly, as he and Happy exchanged alarmed looks. "We'll have a prank war -- but there will be _rules!_ "

"Rules suck," Tony whined.

"One prank a day," Rhodey continued. "Per person. Since I can't move, I'll be the judge."

"I'd like to give Antony his fifteenth courting gift," Loki interrupted. He flicked his wrist, and his Seiðr flowed towards Rhodey. Rhodey yelped as it wrapped around him, and a moment later, he was sitting normally, his gaze shocked.

 _Thanks, Lokes,_ Tony thought happily, sending it to his lover. _I'll show you my appreciation later._

Loki gave a soft growl in his ear, and Tony stifled a blush.

Rhodey swallowed. "Uh... thanks." He shook himself. "So back to the rules..."

\---------

"So," Bruce said slowly, "Tony is a wizard-"

"Sorcerer," Thor corrected.

"-he's dating _Loki,_ and you and Loki don't hate each other anymore."

"I never hated Loki," Thor said quietly. "We do not always get along, but I care about him."

Valkarie rolled her eyes. "Can we get back to the part where you gave him the throne? That was really stupid, by the way."

"I am not ready for the throne, Lady Valkarie," Thor pointed out. "Loki is intelligent and has all the skills a king needs. With the bargain, he will not needlessly execute."

"I still don't like it," Valkarie muttered.

"It was not your decision," Thor said mildly. "Since you do not wish to see Loki again, where will you go?"

"I'm going to find the Allfather so he can rule instead," Valkarie drawled. "Loki most likely hid him on Midgard."

Heimdall nodded tiredly. "I will send Dr. Banner and Prince Thor to Apprentice Vindicta's house, and Lady Valkarie to one of New York's Home for the Elderly's." Since losing the Allsight, Heimdall had been more exhausted than ever. He had still accepted the post of Gatekeeper, given his experience, but he could not see beyond Asgard.

"Apprentice _Vindicta?_ " Valkarie looked alarmed. "You failed to mention that Stark's apprentice name means 'revenge'!"

"He is my friend," Thor said, for what seemed like the fiftieth time. "Dr. Banner, do you wish to return to Avengers Tower or Stark's abode in Malibu?"

"The beach sounds nice," Bruce sighed. "See you, Val."

Valkarie nodded, her expression dark. "Farewell, Banner. Farewell, Prince Thor."

"Farewell, Lady Valkarie," Thor said with a tiny smile.

After Thor and Bruce had gone through the Bifrost, Valkarie turned to Heimdall. "Does Midgard have people who protect the planet from creatures like King Loki?"

"Yes, Lady Valkarie," Heimdall said, a dark smile appearing on his face. "The Supreme Sorcerer, Dr. Steven Strange. Shall I send you to the New York Sanctum, where he resides?"

"Yes," Valkarie agreed. "I'll need his help removing Loki from the throne and from Midgard."

The Bifrost activated once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and then annoyed, because the MARVEL characters refuse to stop living their lives.  
> Part Two: Loki and Tony Silver-Stark's Guide to Parenting (Spiderman Homecoming)


End file.
